Top 50 Things I Learned From Marriage & Divorce

I’ve been through a lot, but that’s not what this is about.  I’ve come to realize that the mere course of my life has led many people to come to me in rather intense moments of crossroads and ask for advice.  Lately, so many have reached out sharing their struggles with partnership/marriage/potential divorce, etc because I’ve been there and they fear judgment by those that have not.  I love emotions and have spent my life being guided by them and have had some pretty gnarly experiences because of it.  What I’ve come to find, instead of being on the outskirts (as in my earlier days), I have become a safe haven for discussing rather frowned upon moments of crossroads others face.  Because of this pattern, I was inspired to draft some of the top lessons I learned from hard life lessons I chose to navigate.

Here goes (in no particular order and all jumbled together – marriage & divorce):

  1. Listen to your heart & listen to your mind.  They are both speaking for a reason.
  2. There is no ‘right’ way, only the choice you’ve settled upon.
  3. You are either ALL IN or nothing at all.
  4. Money is a cleverly disguised excuse for something you wish to conceal.
  5. Be yourself.
  6. Be open.
  7. Do not fear vulnerability ~ it is your unique beauty.
  8. Trust is everything.
  9. There will always be work.
  10. Be grateful.
  11. Find common ground.
  12. Remember the good.
  13. Learn from the bad, evolve and let it go.
  14. Everything is fixable, if that is what you choose.
  15. You will not die from a broken heart. (just don’t build an impenetrable wall around it, for your life will become joyless)
  16. A one-way perception is only deceiving yourself ~ talk, even when it hurts.
  17. Be kind.
  18. Ask yourself, “Do I like being around this person even if we are not having sex?” ~ the answer could surprise you.  Think with the appropriate ‘mind’.
  19. Learn what interdependence means to you.
  20. Be patient.
  21. Honor your word; it’s all we really have control over in our lives.
  22. Respect. Respect. Respect.
  23. Be responsible for your own happiness.
  24. All things change.
  25. Love is the most mind-altering drug there is.
  26. There is no going back, only forward.
  27. I became the person I am today because of all of it and I wouldn’t change a thing.
  28. You can be friends.
  29. If you do not like a certain behavior – talk about it, ignore it or walk away from it.  All have unique outcomes.  Choices.
  30. No one else can decide for you or tell you what’s right.
  31. Emotions are powerful, do not delude yourself and pretend they are inconsequential.
  32. Take the time to know what you need and comfortably communicate that.
  33. A true partnership changes your life.
  34. If it’s not mutual, it won’t work.
  35. Leave the fairytales for writers and their books.
  36. Stay in the honeymoon bubble as long as you possibly can ~ it’s utopia.
  37. Never say never.
  38. Know your dealbreakers and discuss them.  Set clear guideposts like you would with any business negotiation, you are signing a contract after all (in both events).
  39. Breathe.
  40. You are not a failure.
  41. Comparison is death.
  42. Marriage, and Divorce, will not fill a void within you – its inside of you; therefore, nothing in the external can heal it.
  43. A fire only continues to burn if you tend to it and add more wood.
  44. Be the change you seek, do not demand ~ discuss.
  45. Temptation is everywhere; understand why you are engaging the thought in the first place.
  46. The superficial changes; fall in love with the core, for that is what is consistent.
  47. Acceptance.
  48. Once spoken out loud, you have no idea the impact and effect it will have. Choose your words wisely.
  49. It’s okay.
  50. The love you have within you is the only thing that will last your entire lifetime.

Much Love, Kelly Lynn xx

Blog Post from May 6, 2014

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